Why Rejection And Failure Should Be Part Of The Transition Plan
Use them to shine a beacon of light on your next steps.
When you start a business or transition into a new career, no one really prepares you for how to deal with rejection or failure. You might read about it. But it becomes a steep learning curve of self-discovery, your insecurities, and brings forth an awareness of the stories you tell yourself. Stories that have roots in your past.
Transitions are tough. You have to learn to be in that in-between space, sometimes for longer than you want to. It can be uncomfortable while you open yourself up to new opportunities, work through feelings and navigate uncertainty.
You knock on doors. You explore. You turn left, then right. And you get rejected.
Ouch!
‘The competition was tough with 100+ applications.’ ‘There were other candidates who better match what we are looking for.’ ‘Unfortunately, you won’t be invited back.’
You write an article or book and look to get published. ‘Thanks, but no thank you’ emails fill your inbox.
You try something you’ve never done before in your business. No one signs up for your training. You get a negative review on your blog. And zero engagement on your content.
Or you’re dating and kissing all the wrong frogs. The first date doesn’t lead to a second one. It’s not a reflection of your self-worth or that you aren’t good enough. More often than not, the rejection is about the other person and their demons, their issues, and their requirement list. Not you.
What can you do?
Never, ever take it personally!
The zero to hero journey is not an overnight process.
In every situation, you have a choice. And it’s more important than ever to exercise the right choices when you’ve been rejected or failed.
This choice starts with what you think and believe.
Change the way you think to change how you feel.
Don’t take past rejections and failures and project them into the future. Focus on the thoughts that serve you and your goal.
We are all human which means we all have thoughts that create our feelings. If you feel a certain way, it means you are thinking a certain thought. Positive thoughts equal positive feelings.
When you blame your circumstances and things outside of you for how you feel, you create a reality where you can’t solve your own problems. Don’t give that circumstance the power over your feelings. If you think, ‘I can’t feel better until this circumstance changes,’ you will never learn how to solve your own problems.
In the past, I have felt I’ve failed because I haven’t yet met my soul mate. I’m single and close to 50. I could write a book about my dating experiences! Sometimes I compare myself with others. Yet, on a good day, I know this thought does not serve me or my future dating life. I have dreams and positive beliefs about myself and my story which I know will carry me forward to my desired future. I have not been discouraged by my rejections. Although I have to consciously work at not falling into a negative thought pattern.
I believe age is no barrier to success or greatness. I look for external evidence and other success stories (thank you Kamala Harris) to support this belief too. And avoid focusing on my past dating failures.
Get back on the horse and create new goals.
Getting what you want is about long-term vision planning, short term goal setting, and choosing daily habits that set you up for long term success.
And setting intentions (and goals) from a future focus not with the past in mind. Adjusting along the way as relevant.
Rejections and failures do not mean anything has gone wrong. They open up for a redirection.
Failure and rejection open the door to something new.
A coaching client shared an interesting quote by the French philosopher Gaston Bachelard (1884-1962) to highlight her own personal learning strategy.
‘Faire table rase du passé.’
This translates as ‘release the past and start from scratch.’ In short, by quitting what is not working to do something else, you open yourself up to a new way to learn. And potential success in that new way.
You already know, if you do what you always do, you get what you always get. So, if you want different results, you have to do something different. Break your routine, change your habits, step outside your comfort zone.
Reframe and find the positive.
NLP is all about reframing and finding a positive in every situation, however much it sucks. Choose to trust that every rejection is leading you down the right path, to the right job, client, or relationship. Sometimes you can only see this when you connect the dots. And you connect the dots by looking back and trusting forward.
Adopt a growth mindset.
A growth mindset is when you believe there’s always more to learn. What exactly does this look like in action? You embrace getting outside your comfort zone. You take your basic qualities and improve them. You’re always up for new challenges. You don’t let failure sabotage your success. You use setbacks as a set up for the future, not as a sign to stop.
You know you have a growth mindset because you look for opportunities to learn, grow, change and improve. And your growth mindset coincides with the belief your abilities can be developed.
On the other spectrum, a fixed mindset is when you believe you’re unchangeable, that an old dog can’t learn new tricks. You believe that your circumstances are what control you. A fixed mindset will keep you accepting criticism. Failure will never be something to be learned from. Having a fixed mindset will keep you trapped in a cycle of no change and in your comfort zone.
Rejections and Failures do not mean anything has gone wrong. They open up for a redirection. They are an opportunity to take a step back, evaluate, and listen to your inner whispers. They are an opportunity to give yourself a break, some breathing space. And learn.
Most of all rejections and failures are opportunities to tell a new story.
What story do you want to tell? Remember, you always have a choice.